I wake up again with this feeling of heaviness and danger and something is wrong. Like I’m about to perform a brain surgery and if I can’t do it, I’ll be killed. Of course I’m not a brain surgeon, that’s the fun part.

For days I’ve been trying to take my mind off it, listening to podcasts for hours, buying some books, watching videos on youtube, doing some of my chores too, but it all seems so pointless because the dark menace is still there.

It only occurs to me a few days later, or rather now I’m finally ready to look at what’s actually going on. Until then, I’ve watched a few more videos and bought a book, not without realizing the futility of these actions. Did it anyway.